Tell me what you want, what you really really want...
Finding out what you truly want in life can be a challenging but rewarding journey. I have pointed out that self-actualization is the name of the game, but first, you need to give it a direction. This is twofold - you need to figure out who you are and then what you want. Who you are is your starting point and what you want is the direction you will take.
It has come to my attention that most people don’t actually know what they want. Since I do, I thought I might have put down all the tools that helped me along the way. This blog post will guide you through the process of identifying your passions, setting meaningful goals, and engaging in self-actualization to become the best version of yourself.
Note that this is not a quick fix. This is an open-ended long-term process - the more experiences you gain, the better you know who you are, the better you know who you are, the more you know what to do, and the more you do, the more experiences you have gained. This positive feedback loop goes on until you drill down to your very core and realize the crystalline core of your very being.
Step 1: Self-Reflection and Introspection
The first step in discovering your true desires is to engage in self-reflection and introspection. Some useful tools and techniques for this process include:
Journaling: Write down your thoughts, feelings, and experiences to gain insights into your inner world.
Meditation: Practice mindfulness meditation to increase self-awareness and foster a deeper understanding of your emotions and motivations.
Mind maps: Create visual representations of your thoughts and ideas to identify patterns and connections.
All this may seem “mundane” but externalizing your thoughts gives you a new perspective, and makes you recap, and the thoughts that are most important are the ones that will come up in the moments of introspection are the most important ones. I use a huge blackboard to draw and connect my ideas.
I have written extensively on the topic of meditation and its profound benefits elsewhere, so please check it out. Spending time in silence, alone, with just yourself is one of the best tools to learn about yourself there is, if not the best.
Step 2: Identifying Your Passions
Once you've spent some time reflecting on your inner world, it's time to identify your passions and interests. Make a list of activities, hobbies, and subjects that excite you, and consider why these things interest you and how they contribute to your sense of purpose or fulfillment.
Try to ask yourself what you do when you are free to do anything. Or even better, try to analyze your natural action - ie. what you feel you “have” to do. For me, it is for example cleaning - silly as it may sound. When I walk around the block, I just can’t help myself and have to at least try to clean it a bit.
It is not like I am obsessed with it - it is more like I perfectly naturally go and do it. I want to live in a nice environment and I don’t mind working on it. I want to see the world a bit nicer, which I can easily do.
Same in our apartment. My wife loves that, I can tell you that. And making her happy is my number one priority, my passion, my calling, and something I want more than anything else.
As you might have noticed, I also can’t help myself and dish out unsolicited advice as if I knew the best…
And there is also the top secret drive I have. The most important thing I want and that all I do aligns with. But as you may know, hermetic mages should keep their biggest wishes secret ;)
Search what is like that for you. And once you find it, hold on to it.
Step 3: Gather More Data, Gain More Experience
Every now and then, we should put ourselves to the test. We all think we are good, but how would we react in a difficult situation? Staying true to yourself and acting in accordance with your beliefs and values, even when faced with external pressures to conform is one such test. Be honest with yourself.
We have all been in situations when our beliefs about ourselves were put to the test and we failed. Lord knows I had made so many mistakes when the push came to a shovel that I lost count aeons ago.
We all fail.
The important thing that separates players from the rest is to learn from our mistakes. The true value of failure is the lesson it teaches us about ourselves. This is the true mental alchemy of the mages - the transmutation of fails into experience points and leveling up.
Nothing can teach you more about yourself, who you are, and where your values are than this.
Step 4: Reflective Questioning & The "Why" Exercise
Use open-ended questions to encourage deeper introspection. Examples include: "What are my core values?", "What do I consider my greatest achievements?", "What do I want to be remembered for?", and "What would I do if I knew I could not fail?"
When reflecting on a specific topic or decision, ask yourself "why" repeatedly. Each time you answer the question, ask "why" again until you reach the root of your motivation or belief.
Use these questions to analyze all you have gained from steps 1 and 2. Sometimes, it is useful to let the question hang in your unconsciousness and come back to it after some time. I have spent weeks contemplating why I insist on no trash in our streets…
Reflect on your self-reflection. Ask all the why’s for any of your actions. Go deeper and when you think you have the answer, put it to the test!
Step 5: Engaging in Self-Actualization
Self-actualization is the process of realizing and fulfilling your unique potential. Once you realize your core values, you will find great joy and happiness in working on them. A few things make me as happy and proud as seeing my wife happy, writing this blog and seeing that it is helping the people, or seeing the clean greenery in my street.
Apparently, knowing what you want will set you firmly in the top 10% of people.